Unchallenged Childhood Beliefs

Does what we believe about ourselves define who we are? And if it does, where do these beliefs come from anyway?

Most of our core beliefs were formed when we were children, not yet old enough to reason everything and relying on others. The beliefs of who we are were built out of the input from the adults surrounding us. We then bring those beliefs into adulthood. Whether good or bad… we pack them in our luggage and carry them with us.

Here are some of those “Childhood Beliefs”:

*Having love, recognition and approval from others is important.
*I must always be competent, consistent and almost perfect in everything I do.
*I need someone or something stronger then myself to rely on.
*My past determines my present.
*Anger is bad and destructive. Always controlled, never shown.
*I am not smart enough to obtain anything I believe is above me.
*I am not attractive enough.
*I need to earn lots of money to be happy.

Are there clues in your life today that show any of these to be present? Can you identify with one that seems to seep out just when you thought you had it under control? Let’s run through some more…

*I can’t, I am helpless, I am unlovable, I am not good enough, I can’t learn, I can’t change, I am a victim

These are all conclusions that are formed into your beliefs from a young age. Can we change them, absolutely! Let’s un-wrap this together.

In coaching we call it a “shift”. When you move from reacting to responding.

When you hear in your head:

I can’t… you declare, but I can!
I am helpless… you declare, I am able.
I am unlovable… you delcare, I am loved.
I am not good enough… you declare, I am always ok.
I can’t learn… you declare, I am always learning.
I can’t change… you declare, I am always growing and changing.
I am a victim of events… you declare, I am free to choose how I respond to any event.

This might seem silly, but try one or two of them. I as a woman struggle with the “I’m not attractive enough” one. So I had my husband code into my car radio display “Hello Beautiful”. It displays every time my car turns on. It is amazing what reading that and receiving it daily does for how I view my own beauty. I have found myself saying “thank you” while touching the dash board with a smile on my face. Positive words that we confess and declare can and will make a difference in our beliefs.

Shifting our beliefs will be a life long process. One that takes us first acknowledging we have beliefs that need shifted and then making a change. I used the word declare above as apposed to announce for a reason. Announcing is like saying… I am going to do this or that. Declaring says, I am doing this or that. See the difference?

Which childhood belief do you hear that is keeping you from what you want to be and achieve in life? Put a name on it, write it down, tell someone. That is the first step. The second is to respond to it not react, creating lasting change.

What we don’t admit, we cannot change. What are some of your unchallenged childhood beliefs?

Can You Hear Me Now?

Lis-ten-ing n: ” the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.

I must confess that this is a hard one for me. While participating in a class exercise I found myself doing what I thought was “power listening” but soon found out I had strayed. I listened intently to every word my peer was saying, making bullet points on a sheet of paper. I was bound and determined to get all the information, after all I was”power listening”.

I eagerly awaited my turn to say “I heard you say”… and then I went down my list of bullet points. My peer responded with, yes that is what I said. With those words.. I leaped! I had repeated everything she said. Did you catch that… I said repeated! I was so focused on getting all the information that I did not allow myself to hear with my senses. What did i miss?

Listening intuitively to my peer as she shared.

To hear the emotion and feelings being expressed.

I was so busy writing it all down that I missed what was really important. It hit me when a peer repeat back to me what I had shared. She said “I hear you’re excitement and passion about what you are doing”. I felt affirmed, lifted up… like a child that had made her parents proud.

It was at that point I realized I had robbed the peer I was listening to of really being heard. It was life changing for me. I now approach listening in a way that is more intuitive and powerful. Trusting my abilities to really hear another person and paraphrasing in my own words what I heard. How freeing and liberating to trust myself and run with it.

Next time you are the listener in a conversation ask yourself… I am hearing them or am I listening to them? Hearing is automatic, listening is a choice. Do you choose to listen?